


Happy Father's Day!

by NotStrayghtKids



Series: Dysfunctional Events with Stray Kids [1]
Category: Day6 (Band), GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Han Jisung | Han is a Sweetheart, Happy Father's Day!, Hwang Hyunjin is a Sweetheart, Kim Seungmin is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Minho | Lee Know is a Sweetheart, M/M, Other, Seo Changbin is a sweetheart, Yang Jeongin | I.N is a Sweetheart, bambam has 6 boyfriends, brian is confused, hyunjin is a hoe, i fucked this up but my 'husband' saved my ass on multiple occasions, jeongin hates it here, minho is desperate, seungmin likes to harass jeongin, this is my first crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24848452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotStrayghtKids/pseuds/NotStrayghtKids
Summary: chan was sent out of the dorm for a while, not knowing why.judging by how the kitchen is a mess, jeongin is crying, jisung stinks and seungmin is molesting hyunjin and jeongin, chan thinks he wouldnt have agreed to leave if he knew.*lowercase intended***not proofread**
Relationships: Stray Kids are a dysfunctional family
Series: Dysfunctional Events with Stray Kids [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797592
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Happy Father's Day!

stirring his third cup of coffee, chan sighed earning a glance from his friends, brian and kunpimook, who he was tempted to call ‘mooky bitch’. he didn’t know why but the rest of the group sent him out in a rush- well, more like chased him out. hyunjin was screaming, something about needing to buy rice cakes. chan offered to buy them for him, but jisung just immediately yelled out a no. he said not to comeback for at least 4 hours, meaning he was planning something stupid.

chan sighed again, making mooky bitch groan and ask why he was letting out ultimate dad sighs. chan rolled his eyes, before clicking his tongue and spilling his concerns to his buddies. “i just don't think that changbin and minho will be able to control them. wait no, just changbin. yeah definitely just changbin,” he sniffed. “minho’s been sending pickup lines for the past hour, meaning he hasn’t done anything to establish control and changbin is suffering alone. showing the two his phone, mooky bitch whistled and shifted his eyebrows suggestively. shivering from what happened earlier today, chan recalled the event. minho had slid into the room wearing neon socks, turned around to chan and lowered his sunglasses, approaching him with a 'whattup grill u come around here often? cause you're smokin hot'. the youngest just glared, and the bitch backed down. “yk, if my 6 future husbands were like you i wouldnt have agreed to our orgy. where’s the fun in your life brah?” he mumbled.

brian sighed and chan choked, spilling his coffee over the table. “YOU WHAT-“ he screeched, earning stares from all the little families treating their kids. “mommy, why does he look like the rainbow snake?” one queried and chan was ready to pounce. “i think he’s gay sweetie but don’t hold that against him, gay people are a great bunch, like that boy felix!” the mom answered. “hey! its called fashion you oompah loompah looking fool!” he snapped, earning giggles from the older two at his table.

brian was the first to speak. “seriously chan, calm down on the hair changes. i understand life is hard and you can't get a break and people do stupid things when they're stressed but you,,” he trailed off when chan turned towards him slowly, a piercing glare aimed towards him. “channie, don’t worry you still look cute! a little young to play the gay version of big bird or willy wonka, but still cute!” chan sat down again slowly, trying to compose himself, and stop himself from kicking that mooky bitch in the shin.

meanwhile, jeongin whined as he slapped seungmin’s hand away from his waist. “stop harassing me!” he cried and seungmin just giggled. “its not harassment it's love!” he replied. “you sure it’s not lust?” jisung asked, earning a thwack to the head and a “stop fucking up the icing!” by changbin. jisung just stomped his feet with an audible whine, before continuing to ice the cake. he stepped back, reading the words, “fuck” he whispered. he closed one eye, looking up at changbin who slapped a hand over his face and groaned. felix dashed out of his room, yelling out that he was going out to grab decorations. noticing he had a helmet on, changbin surged upwards and chased after him out the door chant yelling “wait felix!”

to his dismay, felix didn’t wait. getting onto his electric scooter, he zipped off down the road. changbin continued to follow after slipping on his shoes.

hyunjin realised he was missing ingredients still, and also left the house taking jeongin with him. seungmin, looking extremely offended, let out a string of curses before he dashed after the two, still screaming. feeling tired jisung collapsed onto the sofa next to minho, who hadn’t looked away from his phone for the past hour. he wrapped his arms around him before pouting. “i worked hard, did you see? can i have hugs?” he asked with eyes full of hope. minho, clearly uninterested, opened his arms letting jisung get comfortable. “you did well, squirrel.” he comforted, despite having no idea if jisung actually did anything right but he couldn’t care less.

minho was quite moody today, felix had given him cuddles and so he was happy this morning, but his happiness dug its own grave and died in it when felix screamed “happy father’s day minmin!” in his ear. he wasn’t annoyed that he was being loud, but because he called him a father. he was definitely the mother to his cats and chan was the dad. just like chan was the dad to these human mistakes. well thats how he saw them today. “hey sung, do you think chan would get the idea? he asked, showing the younger the phone.

You: did you know 1 + 1 = 3 without a condom?

Daddy💦🥰: min we’re guys.

You: if we really try, anything is possible baby

You:👌👈🍑🍆

Daddy💦🥰: i-

in the midst of looking for ingredients, hyunjin decided he would practice the choreography he’s been trying to perfect for chan when seungmin suggested it. minho had already finished it, he had to have done it prior to this actual day since he would be up at the front. hyunjin wanted to be at the front, but minho was _insistent._ so much so, he had actually attacked the younger dancer. he was in the middle of the hip thrusting moves when he noticed a woman staring at him with a horrified and slightly disgusted gaze, while the smaller female ust looked plain confused. so that's why minho locked him in the bathroom, because the dance is lewd!

“sweetie, lets just walk back slowly. he can’t hurt us that way.” the taller one murmured. “oh she’s your daughter? im so sorry ma’am, if i had known i would have performed for you too! but now that you’re here can you give me some feedback?” he asked with a smile. “sir, this man is harassing my daughter!” she screamed, her voice breaking at some stages.

hyunjin was extremely bewildered by her sudden yelling until a police officer grabbed him and dragged him to the nearby car. “innie baby! help me!” he shrieked dramatically, jeongin running towards him and a giggling seungmin trailing behind. all three of them were stuffed into the car, jeongin panicking about what chan would think, hyperventilating and whispering things like “he’s going to get the belt, he’s going to hate me, i'm not going to be the favourite anymore!” as seungmin just coddled him and rubbed his face on the younger’s shoulder. this was going on while hyunjin… was trying to get into the officer’s pants?

"mr police officer, are you sure you dont need your license taken away for driving me crazy?" he asked, placing his hand on the officer’s thigh and rubbing suggestively, batting his eyes and giggling coyly. the officer looked disturbed, but that didnt stop young jinnie from trying to get some; he always thought ‘be gay! do crime!’

on some distant road was felix riding his scooter from store to store, waving to all the little kids he passed on the way. changbin could be seen running after him, still trying to get his attention. felix couldn’t hear, from all the hello’s he was getting from the children and all the adults telling him to be careful. he didn’t listen, because you live life on the edge. mister kunpimook’s words, felix always said. he stepped off, grabbing a pack of long streamers. he sniffed the package because you can never be too sure. “smells like pollution, so its good!” he cheered. “felix, that’s not good.” changbin wheezed, earning a startled scream from felix and face full of plastic packaging.

“binnie! when did you-“ he began to ask, stopping when changbin stared at him. “i’ve been following you on foot for the past 20 minutes. we may have caused a 4 car pileup on the way, so uhh.. if anyone calls about roadworks hang up.” he instructed. felix, being the ball of sun he is, giggled with glee as he nodded enthusiastically. “well, i still have a few things to pick up, so ill see you later, binnie!” he said as he jumped onto the scooter, not forgetting to give changbin a hug because who doesn’t love hugs, especially from lee felix?

“felix wait!” he yelled again, getting no response except the low rumbling motor of the scooter. he watched as felix went on his merry way, hitting some old man in the face with his abundance of balloons and knocking over a little girl’s pushchair.

chan had about an hour until he could finally go home, look for comfort before he realised he lived with 7 other boys who couldn’t go 5 minutes without doing something dumb. he sighed for the nth time that day, attempting to lay his forehead down on the table but ultimately just slamming it down. “ow.” he remarked into the table. “looks like it hurt bro,” mooky bitch teased. chan began to think; something he wasn’t able to do often because of the living conditions.

he looked up, hearing the ding from his phone indicating he had received a message. mooky bitch was looking over his phone like one of those invasive aunts, “aren’t you going to at least answer the kid back? he’s trying so hard” he stated with some whiny undertone. chan stared up at him with some sort of disgust. “get the fuck off me you submissive bitch” he said between gritted teeth before actually reading the text.

CatMom: so i was planning out my future, and i have to ask, are you free for uh… the rest of your life?

hyunjin, seungmin and jeongin were walking home. it was more like hyunjin walking home with a spring in his steps, as jeongin walked with slumped shoulders and a look of fear on his face. seungmin, on the other hand he was content. jeongin wasn’t resisting! “you know innie, we all love you so very much and you don’t have to pick a favourite but im just saying if its not me then-“ “SUNGIE!” a piercing shriek could be heard.

hyunjin, being the dramatic little bitch he was, fell onto the ground clutching his ear while seungmin just closed his eyes and exhaled stiffly. when he opened them, jeongin wasn’t by his side anymore, hyunjin was still on the ground and aggressively fidgeting like he was fighting some kind of internal possession and jisung was engulfed in the warmth of jeongin.

seungmin, with a look of betrayal on his face, scoffed and rolled his eyes before dragging hyunjin up off the ground and clinging to him for dear life. “you’re my favourite now, jinnie” he pouted into hyunjin’s shirt. “there there minnie, don’t worry, i can still stand you” he tried to comfort but just got kneed in the crowned jewels instead. “why does it look so much bigger than it feels down there?” seungmin questioned, only getting a pained groan in response.

he shrugged before going dragging himself past jisung who was trying to escape the confines of the youngest brat, upstairs and towards mommy minho. “mommy!” he cried before jumping onto minho who attached his arms onto seungmin almost immediately, “what is it brat?” minho asked. seungmin was the only one who wasn’t annoying. “hyunjin’s being a pile of stinky dick cheese!” he whined.

chan was trying his best not to face plant into brian’s cake as mooky bitch went on about his morning sex with his boyfriends. “we get it bam you’re a horny bitc- hey chris isn’t that your kid?” he asked with wide eyes, watching as felix zoomed past with a collection of balloons trailing behind him and a line of cars honking at him, before changbin came into view holding a large amount of party bags with a look of exhaust and misery on his face. “OMG LOOK ITS FEETLICKS!” mooky bitch screamed before bounding towards the door, smacking face first into the glass.

when he turned around, there was smudges of blood on the glass and his nose was bleeding but he looked unbothered. “its fine, jackson’s done worse to my ass hole!” he reassured, earning disturbed and disgusted glares from customers and staff alike. he got up quickly, pushing open the door, hitting some old lady’s ass. she whacked his kneecaps with her cane before turning with a tut and waddling away.

chan got up from his seat after a quick laughing session at the horny twink, and charged out of the cafe just in time to see felix heading straight towards a pole. “felix stop!” he yelled in alarm, but to no avail. felix continued, his scooter snagging some kid’s shirt and pulling him along the ground as they hurtled towards the pole. he broke into what could be described as a gallop, still not fast enough to grab felix before he collided with the pole, falling off the scooter onto the poor child.

the youth began to cry like a pathetic bitch for his mom, felix looking at him awkwardly before rubbing his cheek and observing his surroundings. he began to get up as he looked around, stopping dead in his tracks upon seeing chan. he stared in silence, before surging upwards and screaming “EW A HET!” and bounding off towards the dorm holding the scooter like it was on a black friday sale.

chan turned to question changbin only to find he was also gone, as were his bags. he sighed, deciding enough was enough and walking slowly while sulking to the apartment, bidding goodbye to his idiot friend and not so idiot friend.

“hyunjin stop putting coins into the soup!”

“what the fuck, why are there muffins in the freezer?!”

“stop trying to touch my dick seungmin!”

“where’s felix?!"

“minho get off your pussy period, stand your furry ass up and help!”

jeongin was going to cry. not only did he almost get arrested today, but the cake said ‘happy fat her day’, there was coins in the soup, jisung kept popping the balloons and literally pissing himself out of fear, seungmin kept trying to get his attention and grab his dick, minho was actually crying about how chan didn’t love him and was ignoring him despite his assault of pickup lines and how he was going to get a divorce, changbin wouldnt shut up about wishing he went out with chan, and felix.. where was felix actually? it didnt matter; chan was coming home really soon and there were egg shells in the hallway, jeongin was covered in flour from when the muffins exploded, the bathroom was overflowing, and to top it off someone was dancing around a fire. oh wait, thats felix.

“felix stop making a fire ritual dance for tiktok and put out the damn flame you queer bitch!” felix stopped, his hands still the air as he turned around. “you cant stop the gay! the gay never stops!” he screamed, his voice dipping down and flying up in pitch. he flailed his limbs around, hitting hyunjin’s head, causing him to hit his nose on the edge of the pan and spilling rice cake broth all over his groin.

seungmin noticed this and went on the prowl towards hyunjin and grabbing his crotch and trying to comfort him, only causing the older boy trauma from when he struck his children. “no please, leave my babies!” he whimpered, fiddling around like a lost dog. he began to back away from seungmin in terror, hitting a wall and accepting his untimely demise. just at that moment, chan walked through the door.never mind, jeongin's crying now.

he seemed completely normal, for someone who had seen what he had. he just stared them all in the face, watched them cower in fear, and didnt even react. he just sat down next to minho and engulfed him in a tight hug. minho was about to hug him back when he got pushed off the couch. the 7 younger boys all gathered, when prompted by the mother of pussylips, pussypp and pussyslayer69, they all cheered in unison; ‘happy father’s day!’

well, at least thats what they thought.

jeongin actually did say “happy father’s day”.

jisung yelled out something along the lines of ‘happy fat her day’, as did changbin

hyunjin just whimpered and flinched when seungmin bounced around on his lap with a soft ‘yay’.

felix screeched ‘happy dad day, father figure!’

now, minho… sounded like he tried to seduce chan by moaning out words? ‘happy father’s day daddy now come raid my booty!’

chan was bamboozled for sure. he was getting some sort of headache, probably from all the coffee.

jisung brought over the cake, and like it had been had mentioned previously, the words ‘happy fat her day’ were splayed out in big, poorly written letters over the circumference of the cake. chan cut slices for everyone, thanking them all for their efforts, even if they weren’t the most appealing. minho picked up the first slice to feed it to chan, the older of the two taking a bite.

he choked on it slightly, swallowing it with some effort. “what… what’s in that?” he asked, feeling on edge. he expected it to be bad but… why was it spicy? “sriracha! in honour of 3racha!” jisung announced with felix turning off the lights for dramatic flair. chan’s eyes widened and he began to violently cough with cake still in his mouth.

putting the cake down on the table, he went over to the stove and counter to find that there soup had boiled over and there was small metal pieces glistening throughout the pan, there was egg shells in the noodles and the rice cakes were still stuck together and the broth was all over the counter and floor. wait.. why does it smell like pee-

“thank you all, uhm.. you’ve all done really well today. i love you guys!” he said after a while of smiling in silence. they all went towards him as a huddle, and as they inched closer to his open arms, the smell of pee grew much more pungent and changbin slipped on the pool of ricecake broth, causing a domino effect for all the boys as they collapsed on each other, chan being at the end, falling backwards and banging his head on the edge of the counter.

**Author's Note:**

> **not proofread** This is my first crack fic and my 'husband' hannah saved my ass so often its embarrassing but im thankful none the less. this was really fun to write, and im sorry if i failed it jksndkajsd 
> 
> i would really appreciate some feed back! and this will probably be cross published on wattpad under @notstrayghtkids
> 
> instagram: lunarhwang  
> twitter: stayoncemoments


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